Under a moonlit sky and night stars, I remember vividly rocking my son to sleep while nursing him, dozing off into a world of dreams, hopes and wishes.
Much like his sister today, I was cradling an innocent and pure baby in my arms who needed me more than ever to nurture him, love him and care for him. I envisioned him growing up attentively observing my every actions and words, imitating and moulding his personality and character traits after the reflections of my Self.
I had wild dreams of him as a free spirit, courageous enough to pave his own path, brave enough to follow his vision through, trusting and believing in his gifts to jump into the abyss of the unknown, leaving the edge of comfort behind. I imagined him fearless, standing strong and confident in his Truth. A warrior in my eyes.
My unconditional love as his Mother opened my heart up to a world I had long forgotten, of childhood dreams and reveries. Of a mystical world where anything you wished for was possible. A land where you could fulfill your soul’s desires. All you needed to do was take the first step onto your own enchanted path and the way would be revealed never once doubting the love and support from the Spirits of the Universe.
Exploring daydreams that followed me in the wee hours of the morning, sleepless, I was soon faced with my own reality.
For who was I dreaming?
How did my own choices measure up in life?
Was I walking the path?
When and Where did I leave my dreams behind?
My child became a reflection of my own dreams, hopes, and wishes, of the missing pieces in my life that would make it whole. He reawakened in me a passion to pursue a life well lived, leaving a legacy of a soulful revolution behind. A life of purpose. An expression of my Self, as Mother.
My wanting him to live a creative life, honouring self-expression, and celebrating every turn of the tide towards his spiritual growth and expansion, turned the tables on me. It was time that I lead the way, paving a path forward. I had to begin my own journey of soul searching.
As his Mother, I want to avoid projecting onto him long lost dreams I had for myself, living precariously through him. I want him to grow up with the capacity to dream for himself. To be curious enough to explore what pulls his heart strings and follow a path that feels like home, or like a long lost love, reconnecting with an aspect of his soul that has met him from a previous lifetime.
Along my own slow winding path back to Self, I have been longing for a safe space to fall back on, loved ones who would encourage me, believe in me and motivate me when I felt like giving up. At times, I thought that it was childish of me to wish for others to stand by my vision and keep me accountable. I yearned for a community who would welcome me home, reborn with a knowing of what gifts I had been endowed with to share, celebrating my new found purpose. But today, I realize how we are sadly lacking this safe container of transformation within our circles. I hope to be just that for my son and my daughter as they embark on their own path later in life.
But first, me.
What kind of dreams, hopes, and wishes do you hold for your child’s future? Write them down in a journal addressed to him/her. How does your life hold true? Are you walking the path?
It might be time to look at these dreams on paper and allow them to reawaken in you something you have lost along the way. It’s never too late to pursue a dream. You might need to embark on a soul searching journey first, seeking a new vision that is more in alignment with who you are becoming. Lead the way for your child/ren, planting seeds of Inner Strengths to carry you through along your path. Nurture your vision until your roots grow strong. You are gifting them something very precious.
With love + light,